Posts Tagged survival value
“You care for children desperately hoping they will fill the huge hole of unloving you carry from infancy”: Unreal love and roots of woundedness … “babies having babies” … parental love … what the planetmates reveal
“So, non-expression of needs became of survival value in a species who were reluctant to care for their young because of their own unmet needs from infancy and childhood. And cuteness and adorability — smiling more as opposed to less, fussing less, being engaging, attentive, and entertaining, connecting more with the eyes — was of survival value for the same reason but also for another. This has to do with what you call love, in particular, parental love.
“Remember, you have an emotionally damaged adult — one who unconsciously seeks the satisfaction of needs left over from childhood in all the activities of his or her life and whose motives and intentions are ever skewed in ways symbolic or reflective of those needs. So, how do you suppose this adult views a tiny, unformed Other (a baby), who is dependent upon them? This adult also sees its newborn through its veil of emotional thirst and deprivation.
“This part is perhaps the hardest for you to see, for it is here that you lay down the gauntlet — here, if nowhere else … and both women and men alike — about your superiority to Nature. If you have been able to agree with us so far, this is the acid test of your ability to view reality and yourself outside of Ego — outside of your emotional deprivations and their consequent overcompensations of self-congratulation. For this apperception of yourself is easily taken as an affront to that which is at the core of — now, even your women’s — ego esteem: That is, the idea of human love, especially parental love, being pure and, again, transcendent, and above and making one superior to a supposedly unfeeling and brutish Nature.
“It is not that humans are not capable of love. You are, of course. But you would not need to defame Nature’s love and to glorify one’s own if your love was as untainted with selfishness and as transcendent as you profess. As we have been detailing (see the 4th Prasad, especially), this congratulation of yourselves on this point serves to offset the basic inferiority you feel in comparison with Nature and its planetmates. But beyond that this vanity about the quality of your love does yeoman’s duty toward helping you to forget and deny the pain and deprivations you yourself endured under the “care” — as infants — of those who were deluded similarly to the way you now yourself cling to being deluded — your own mother and caregivers.
“Having been seen, as infants, through the famished eyes of adult caregivers who noticed in you the traits, behaviors, and characteristics of you that were reminiscent of the satisfaction of their needs, you felt the incredible hurt of not being truly seen: You experienced that your own needs were not going to be attended to — they would not even be noticed — unless they fit in somehow with your parents’ woundedness or could be made to be seen by them, somehow, as potential relief of your parents’ suffering. You experienced that whatever needs were noticed by the Other would be reinterpreted along lines to fit their needs, not your own. Unseen at times and misunderstood at others, you felt most alone, and you carried forward that hurt as central to your construction of an adult personality.
“So, when you yourself had a child, that child would be seen and understood primarily to the extent that and in the ways that your child’s behavior and ways fit with your leftover desires to be seen … in a vicious circle … from generation to generation. Quite simply, your babies would be seen and loved to the extent that they mirrored for you the parents you wished you had. And your children, being unseen and deprived this way, would grow up to be adults who, having their babies, would see and attend to them to the extent they mirrored what they wished you had been like.
“Again, you are babies having babies. You will attend to the needs of your young ones, at least to the minimum needed, if it seems they will fill that huge hole of feeling unloved that you carry from your infancy. You will nurture and foster the thriving of your children, to the extent that it seems they will have the qualities that you wished had been in your caregivers in infancy. And when those characteristics are lacking, you will seek to plant them into your young ones and/or develop them along those lines … lines which are in accordance with the relief of your hurts and the satisfaction of long ago needs. You wish to turn your infants into the parents you wished you had. You love your children to the extent that they hold out the hope that they will become that — your longed for parents. But, no, you cannot bear the thought that your love is tainted with selfishness this way….”
— excerpted from *Planetmates: The Great Reveal* by Michael Adzema … now available in print and e-book formats at Amazon
ABOUT THE AUTHOR, Michael Adzema. Video below … interviewed by Michael Harrell
— Related: See also other published versions of these ideas….
*Dance of the Seven Veils I* (2017).
At Amazon at
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